The Anti-Mouth Bill

You first heard it here. This is the year of the anti-bills in the Republic of Uganda. Anti-porn bill is now law of the land. And the anti-queer bill has just been signed into law with much fanfare and ululations. Word on the street is that MP Evelyn Anite is cooking up something. Yes. That infamous girl from Koboko who knelt before her president and begged him to run again in 2016.

Evelyn Anite, the Northern Youth MP, instead of working to find jobs for northern youths has been busy writing up a bill. She was saddened that her boss, Beelzebub, expressed concerns about improper use of the mouth. So, she, like a true blue-blood NRM zealot, set up to work on a bill against improper use of the mouth, tentatively called the Anti-Mouth Bill. The bill says, in part, that  whereas the mouth was created by God for eating, drinking non-liquor, praising the Lord and our masters, talking to our dear ones, singing, or persuading, it has come to the notice of the NRM government that the mouth is being abused. Such filthy stuff like kissing, going down on one another while having sex, cursing, lying, or talking bad about the government are prohibited. The NRM is especially incensed by the importation of cunnilingus and fellatio. The former is an attempt by NGOs to debase the African man as the exercise requires a man to kneel before a woman, let alone the chance of contracting deadly diseases from that area of complexities. The African man, confident with his spear, should not resort to sissy mouthy behavior. As to fellatio, our African women want the black dildo at (as the president opined) the proper address--down there--not in the mouth.

Any such improper use of the mouth will be punishable by a jail term of twenty to fifty years hard labor with no chance of parole. We need to clean our culture and get back on the path of a God-fearing nation. For God and my Country.

The Emotional African

I had not been in the Republic for some time. So, I had one dude escort me around town.  At an electrical shop there were quite a number of men behind the counter.  My immediate thought was that there was an over-employment of store clerks in this store.  Later I was told that all those clerks represented different sections for different owners of merchandise—in the same store! Apparently the culture of partnership or corporation has not filtered into the minds of Uganda’s wanainchi. Like the man asked: Can we not all get along? I ask: Can we not all work together? What’s up with the black race? What does it take the race to work towards a common goal? Our very survival is at stake.

If Dr. Besigye can answer those questions, he may find the reason why the so-called Uganda’s educated elites are not as angry at the state of affairs as he is. The excuse about him being too confrontational is a just a cop out.

In corporate sales class I was taught to probe for the emotional hot buttons. Once you find them, then you can go for the jugular and close the sales effortlessly. I posit that the African has an extra overdose of emotional evolutionary talent. As such then, he needs very strong emotional incentives to push him to action.

Let us take General Museveni and his Luweero-triangle war that he never fails to remind the world of every week.  Museveni knew how to push emotional buttons.  He exploited the Baganda’s grudge with Obote and the North, especially the Acoli, to a crescendo of full blown hatred that lingers to today. Many Baganda were killed and the UNLA was blamed. That was like adding salt to an old wound. Songs were coined to denigrate the Anyanyas. Even little kids—the kadogos—joined the ranks of fighters. There are few emotions as strong as hatred, and it rode Museveni to power.

Now, let me ask a question: How many Ugandans have met or know of any homosexual? Raise your hands. With many being in the closet, we will have less than a dozen hands out of a population of 35 million. But here we are, parliament has passed an anti-queer bill, and General Museveni is toying with the country to milk it to the hilt for his grandeur. Meanwhile the population is in a state of apoplectic fury about some imaginary gays who are about to sodomize their children and wives if the general doesn’t sign the bill. The general knows what emotions can do to the African, and he will not let this one die off without using it for 2016—if at all there will be any contest.

We have seen the master tactician adorned in military uniform as he goes to parliament. He carried an assault rifle as he went to visit a disaster area on the slopes of Mt. Elgon. We have seen him recently do the same as he led his MPs through one of his vast many farms. He has threatened going back to the bush. He tied some personalities with the old regimes. All these are done to create fear—fear being another very powerful emotion that keeps the peasants in check not to rise up in spite of their woes.

Another strong emotion is greed. Give a political loser from another party an RDC or an ambassadorial position and you will own him. Give a thief a lease on life and he will clean your shoes with his tongue. Give the bishops four-wheeled drives and their hapless followers will sing your glory.

And so, General Museveni is in firm control because he understands the African primordial emotions of hatred, fear and greed.

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Whites Introduced Homosexuality to Uganda. True or False?

Uganda in the last few weeks had its fifteen minutes of fame. The august Uganda parliament--that infamous house where votes are bought and sold to the lowest bidder--passed the Anti-Faggot Bill that is envisaged to send suspected homosexuals to prison for life. Love kills. Ugandans should know it better than anybody, having been killed with Aids by the millions. Thanks to gay activists in Act Up who pushed that swaggering American President Reagan to release funds for research, many Ugandans can now live long with the scourge of the  disease.

The impetus for the bill and subsequent apoplectic hyperventilation in the social network is that homosexuality is foreign to Uganda--mainly brought by foreign white people to corrupt our young into despicable behavior.

First, my objection to the bill is that it is an assault on individual liberty which, I am told, is enshrined in the Constitution of Uganda. If we proscribe how a person has sex, what else can we proscribe that we find objectionable?  When we objectify a group, then we give ourselves permission to do with them anything we want. Many know very well the oft quoted "biological substance" in regard to the Northerners. Those two words were enough to create disgusts. It galvanized the perpetrators to do all manner of evil to these non-humans without any guilt. Of course, that included the homosexual acts that the perpetrators were used to--that of pumping the rear-ends of men, especially in the Acoli region. This was at a time when whites were not coming in droves with aid moneys.

I posit that homosexuality is a human condition that may be a consequence of hormonal imbalances in the developing fetus. There is plenty of literature that explains that epigenetics-- the environmental effects on the genes--might be what causes the gender dubiousness in some people. If that is the case, then Ugandans are not immune to that possibility. And history and cultural practices confirm that.

It is a known fact that Kabaka Mwanga of Buganda was a homosexual. The saying goes that "hell has no fury as a woman scorned." Tell me about it--I have had my share of furious women!  But we are talking about King Mwanga. The ferocity with which he killed those page boys who are now Christian saints, speaks of the intensity of his feelings for the boys. And that intense feeling is not uncommon even in heterosexual relationships. Who can forget OJ Simpson who brutality stabbed and killed his ex-wife and her boyfriend? I would die if I can't have you but, since I am such a coward to kill myself, if I can't have you, no one will. And in a state of temporary insanity the perp does the unimaginable.

I am not picking on Baganda. But they are the dominant tribe with marked influence on many aspects of Ugandans' lives--whether the rest of us like it or not. I do not know whether Baganda's practice of "stretching" has caught on or not. The last time a female friend confided that it has spread eastwards. This is when the auntie pulls on the vaginal labia of her young ward to help elongate it. It is supposed to give great pleasure to the male species later on. This practice is as lesbian an act as can be. I am sure the auntie receives as great pleasure as she gives pleasure.

Back to this bill. The opposition should stay clear of. It is a trap. If you reframe it in terms of liberty of the individual, you will be kaput comes 2016. The master tactician will say: For us in the NRM we don't want foreign ideas. Let the faggots go to wakina FDC, UPC, DP. And Ugandans not knowing liberty even if you shove it down their throats, will vote the Ogre again.
 

Liberty Goes Around and Comes Around

When I protect the liberty of others, I protect my own. But this is not a concept innate to us. We have to cultivate it. For those who follow the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth who became Jesus the Christ during the reign of the Roman Constantine, his greatest teaching hinged  on loving your neighbor as thyself. This teaching includes the whole of humanity, and when we cherry-pick who to love and not, we fool ourselves for being the followers of the Jewish man who became a god.


Afande FeneKansi on the Homosexual Bill



Discussions have raged in social networks on Uganda’s Homosexuality Bill, which I predicted the great tactician Museveni would take his time with it. He has now weighed in accordingly (Anti-gays-Bill-was-rushed---Museveni ). I don’t know what homosexuals do with themselves, but to protect my liberty, I will defend them to the end. A wiseacre wondered how I could even be a Ugandan for my stand (I Would Want 2 Believe UR  Nt Ugandans). This is a fellow who not long ago was called a “biological substance” by his fellow Ugandans. Effectively, he was less that than a human being to be done with as it pleased the “human beings.” Even to this day, in emotional heat, he could still be referred to as such. See a discussion on a public forum: (Rutabajuuka: Those were biological substances, period). Notice the finality of the heartlessness.

When Africans or any other peoples are not familiar with something, they resort to the boogey man who is bringing all these weird stuff.  That follows along the line of human history. Copernicus, for example, formulated a heliocentric model of the universe with the sun at the center rather than earth. Earlier on a Greek man had already made this suggestion.  But during the Renaissance the Church was so powerful and preached that the Earth (by extension man) was the center of the universe. Fearfully the man did not publish his thesis. When Galileo supported this thesis by evidentiary information using his telescope, the Church Roman Inquisition jailed him for life.

In my mind I conjecture that homosexuality has some biological explanation to it. It is a known fact that genes mutate in order to give variety to species. I have seen very effeminate men, who clearly were not faking it. I am sure gays are there plodding in labs disassembling the engines under the hood to prove that genes play a part in their same-sex disposition. Some have said it is not a piece of DNA per se, but its expression or epigenetic that is shaped by the fetal environment in the womb. (Epigenetic Roots-of-Homosexuality/).

Finally, live and let live, love your neighbor as thyself, and work for others liberty so you could enjoy yours. The man said: Why can’t we just get along? He was badly beaten by cops who didn’t like his blackness.

Afande FeneKansi on the Mini-Skirt Bill